NSFW Reviews

According to VIPcrew.com, the VIP crew are “the only crew that takes you into the world of mega VIP parties.” They are talking about you, not me. I am such a player that they send me e-mail.

Each set of photographs is referred to by a girl’s name. As there are a lot of girls in these photographs, I assume that there is one girl each party who the VIP crew actually introduce to the world of mega VIP parties rather than by proxy.

Of those photographed, this girl looks least like she should be there. I therefore deduce that she is Londyn.

They kept her out of the way for most of the party so that she didn’t ruin any of the group shots, but took a few pictures of her in case she felt left out. There is one of her trying to be included in the nudity by picking up someone else’s bikini and walking around with it, then one of her partying hard with a beachball, and finally one where she stood next to someone before being sent back indoors.

Most of the party looked like most parties: forced attempts to appear fun and carefree, and interested in what other attendees have to say. The VIP difference was that here, there was a 100 women to 3 men ratio in attendance, and everyone congregated in the swimming pool rather than the kitchen.

There are a lot of girls at this party, but I was sceptical that it qualified as a VIP party until I saw Mr. T was there. I would love to party with Mr. T!

Two girls are overcome by the drink and the heat and become silly with water pistols. They are removed by security before they ruin it for everyone.

One of these things is not like the others. One of these things is not like it seems…

I saw an episode of CSI Miami just like this. Following some adultery, someone got thrown off a balcony at a party. Horatio solved it though.

The Fleshlight is the world’s number one male sex unit. The company told me this, and I have no reason not to believe them. They asked me to select a complimentary item and promote it, then they paid me. I am for sale.

The Fleshlight comes as standard in a grey case to resemble a utility flashlight, though it is available in a variety of colours.

The only torch in my house that contains working batteries is small and shaped like a frog. I do have a grey utility flashlight in the boot of my car, but in the interests of safety it is probably best that I do not confuse the two.

Furthermore, if you are reading this then you may rest assured that everyone from whom I would seek to hide Fleshlight ownership has already read this. With all the benefits of subtefuge removed, I was free to chose a more vibrant colour.

I considered silver and gold, lavender, and all five different flesh tones. However, being a narcissist, there could only be one choice. Nothing can possibly be more erotic that clear, colourless, see-through casing and clear, colourless, see-through patented gel insert. 1-3 working days later, it arrived.

The decision to use a Fleshlight is not the choice between using a Fleshlight and having sex. It is the choice between using a Fleshlight and using another object found around your house.

Though I have never understood why you would chose to do this or what sensation you would be seeking to replicate, I have read a sufficient number of references online to masturbating using a sock for me to accept that, however perculiar, it this is fairly common practice. Character socks make for a disturbing experience, and most of the references involve severe chaffing.

The thing I use to clean my windows is way ahead of the other things competing items. Just like the Fleshlight patented Super Skin insert, it is designed to be soaked a basin of water until it reaches your desired temperature. Sadly, it is intended to be used flat, and therefore only vaguely malleable.

I think the Fleshlight is best, but please, post a comment with your suggestions.